“You’re an atheist, you can’t celebrate Christmas.”
“If you’re an atheist, how can you light Hanukkah candles?”
“The reason for the season is Jesus!”
How often have you heard remarks like these from people when they figure out you are an atheist and have a Christmas tree?
The fact is you are far from alone in celebrating without deity-oversight. According to a Pew Research study from 2017, 90% of Americans celebrate the holidays in some way. Practically everyone in the United States is participating. And of those people who do celebrate, over 40% celebrate as a nonreligious holiday. In other words: Most Americans aren’t celebrating the holidays to worship gods.
So what are some ways to embrace the holiday season as an atheist? Here are some suggestions I regularly share with the wide variety of nonbelievers who are struggling with finding their peace during the season.
The first thing to do is lean into the joy. If that means staying home and bingeing Real Housewives, enjoy! If it involves going to church with your loved ones to experience family love (and you’re comfortable with that), go! You are the person who best knows what joy looks like for you. And everyone is entitled to joy, including atheists.
Be unapologetic about participating in holiday traditions in whatever way you decide. Many of us have fond memories of family traditions, and it’s perfectly acceptable to recreate those traditions without any religious baggage. There’s nothing religious about eggnog and presents. In our house, for example, my husband and I light candles and make latkes because it connects us to our family and culture. And since we’re good Jewish-Americans, we also go see a movie and eat Chinese food on Christmas Day.
At the same time, your holidays don’t have to be about the things you did in the past. It can be something new you want to try. This especially applies to things that connect you to joy. My husband and I now put up a Christmas tree even though neither of us ever did that as kids. Both of us always wanted to but felt constrained by cultural expectations that we grew up learning to meet. Today, these things bring us joy and connection to our holiday celebration.
Look to create brand-new rituals or experiences that aren’t necessarily traditional here in America. There are people who take trips every holiday season, for example. Most of us do stuff closer to home, however. One thing my family enjoys is having a big conversation where we plan out our goals for the next year as a way to reconnect with who we are. It may sound a bit woo-woo, but it helps us connect to the new year as individuals and as a family and has become a very meaningful part of our holiday season. I’ve heard of people exchanging books so they can sit and silently read together. Other people volunteer on Christmas so those who do celebrate it religiously can attend church without affecting the community services on which many people rely.
This is the most important thing in this entire article: The calories don’t count. Some people believe in Santa Claus, but I choose to have faith that the bûche de Noël we buy at the local bakery has the nutritional value of a carrot.