Atheist Sees Image of Big Bang in Piece of Toasthttp://www.stumbleupon.com/demo/?review=1#url=http://www.satireandcomment.com/0208toast.htmlFor Immediate Release: Miracle Toast? (ACPA-london) Excitement is growing in the Northern England town of Huddlesfield following news that a local man saw an image of the Big-Bang in a piece of toast. Atheist Donald Chapman, 36, told local newspaper, “The Huddlesfield Express” that he was sitting down to eat breakfast when an unusual toast pattern caught his eye. “I was just about to spread the butter when I noticed a fairly typical small hole in the bread surrounded by a burnt black ring. However the direction and splatter patterns of the crumbs and the changing shades emanating outwards from the black hole were very clearly similar to the chaotic-dynamic non-linear patterns that one would expect following the Big-Bang”. “It’s the beginning of the world” he added excitedly.
http://www.stumbleupon.com/demo/?review=1#url=http://www.satireandcomment.com/0208toast.htmlAtheist has Death Bed Conversion For immediate release: Deadly Bread (ACPA-London) Atheist Donald Chapman, famous for having seen an image of the Big Bang in a slice of toast, has had a remarkable death bed conversion. “It was truly beautiful to be there when it happened, ” said Doctor Stephen Morton a specialist at Huddlesfield Hospice where Chapman is terminally ill. Local Vicar Arthur Pruett conceded that “it was really quite unexpected ” adding reluctantly, “yes, I suppose I can be considered the cause of it all”. Chapman, from the North of England, became seriously ill after eating the famous Big Bang Toast. “I just got tired of the mayhem, people calling at my house day and night, so I ate it to make them go away”, Chapman told the Huddlesfield Express. “Unfortunately too many people had handled it and within a few hours I was throwing up. A week later I’m at death’s door, some sort of Botulism it seems”. The much talked about conversion took place over two days and started shortly after Vicar Pruett paid a visit to the famous atheist in an attempt to convert him. The conversation faltered as the Vicar struggled in the cheap National Health Service Visitor’s chair. “I realized” said Chapman “that if I was to debate him properly, the man would have to at least have a decent place to sit. So I got some tools from the maintenance staff and set to work – I love DIY you know”. The conversion, described as a Georgian Style Bed with some post modern touches to round off the Classical Edges, was completed with enthusiastic help from other patients and the night shift staff. It includes comfortable seating for 4 visitors, a built in 38 inch TV , small fridge, microwave and mini-bar. Two shelves filled with novels and an adjoining magazine rack complete the conversion and ensure all the amenities of home for patients and visitors alike.
Ahh, breakfast satire. The very embodiment of good society.
I have recently taken a trip to the dark side of xian blogs, but have just about had my fill. It’s good to be back in the land of the free.
welcome back Heathen!
Think I’d rather visit a gulag in January.
Hahah! That’s the only kind of death bed conversion I’ll have! Very funny!
Obviously, the only way to go. In Style.
I’ve been saving for years in the hope of dying in a four poster bed, with maple trim, and maybe fuchsia curtains, with a pink comforter and purple curtains. Doesn’t it just sound fabulous?