OKOKOK So I just snuck into my daughter’s room and made it seem like the hermit crabs had built a bridge out of their climbing toys to get to the cage door, and expelled a sponge out of their cage door, and went and locked themselves back in. I’ve been moving the sponge around all week, to the delight of my daughter and her “super strong” crabs, but tomorrow morning will take the cake. Bwoo hahahahah. This joke is dedicated to Lance-o-matic.Tomorrow is also the day when the April Fools jokes will come in, particularly the “Atheist Day” jab about how “the fool hath said in his heart there is no god”. How many times have we heard that gem of Christian intolerance?Give us some good practical jokes, or any kind of jokes. It’s time for a giggle.
April 1st used to be the first day of the year. April fools were those who lived in remote regions, unaware of the change.
First post! Yesterday I had a dentist appointment for some minor work (fixing an old chip). Two years ago my husband had a bad accident which required approximately 50 hours of dental reconstruction. I sat next to him the whole time; therefore he pledged to be with at the dentist no matter what.
Well, I let him off the hook yesterday because he was so busy. My parting words were, “Don’t worry, I probably won’t get any shots.”
After the appointment he called me. I mumbled about the pain and told him about the 5 shots I got. Our dentist (and partner in crime) advised me to pay particular attention to the shots in the roof of my mouth (apparently the most painful). So I did. I could feel my husband’s stomach sink over the phone. The guilt crushed his voice.
When I arrived at the shop he was working at (2 hours later), he immediately approached me and began to apologize. I covered my mouth and mumbled some more. When we got to the front counter (where all our friends were sitting) they commenced to tell me how crappy he felt. He practically had tears in his eyes.
After I felt he had suffered enough, I removed my hand from my mouth, smiled a brilliantly restored smile, and said, “April fools! I didn’t get any shots!”
BURN!!!
Oh well, 2nd post
sorry
Really off topic and not a joke. This is really important and could save someone close to you. I had heard it before but now it seems to be endorsed.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/03/31/moh.cpr/index.html?eref=rss_us
Sorry it is not a joke but I will try to think of something later.
Every time we hear that “fool” quote (?The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.?) from Psalms 14:1, we can respond with this:
?But whomsoever shall say ?Thou fool? shall be in danger of hell fire.? (Matthew 5:22)
Bush Vows To Make It Up To Country Somehow
WASHINGTON?Amid allegations that his thoughtless and insensitive decisions have damaged his relationship with the nation, President George W. Bush vowed Monday that he would, starting now, “make everything better.”
“This time I’m serious,” Bush said. “I am ready to make a fresh start if we can just put the past behind us. I promise.”
An estimated 35 million citizens listened to the president’s televised remarks while silently crying behind locked bathroom doors.
[snip]
During the 14-minute address Bush acknowledged that he and the country had drifted apart. He accepted some of the blame, but stressed that it was partly the American people’s fault, and went on to chide them for not giving him an opportunity to explain, not standing behind him, and failing to understand his “very real” need for unchecked executive authority.
“My job is stressful,” Bush said. “Trust me, things will calm down in a few months once I don’t have to deal with it anymore.”
[snip]
In addition to providing economic relief, Bush said he has taken other measures to strengthen his bond with the nation. According to the president, his newly proposed warrantless-wiretapping bill will greatly broaden the reach of his personal attention to the American people’s needs and put him in a position to be more directly involved in their lives.
The president concluded by imploring the nation to help him rectify the situation, stressing that he always has America’s best interests at heart but cannot be expected to improve things all by himself.
“You have to realize that everything I do, I do for you,” Bush said. “Do you think I like denying health care to underprivileged children, or plunging the country deeper and deeper into debt? Well, I don’t, and I hope someday you’ll understand that. In the meantime, I’m asking the American people to try to meet me halfway on this.”
[snip]
Read the whole thing here:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_vows_to_make_it_up_to_country
I had a fantasy about Our Glorious Christian Leader making a public confession of his many crimes.
http://my-daily-rant.com/?p=347
OT
Here is Fitna in English rather than Dutch.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3369102968312745410
I a plagarizing, paraphrasing and most likely mispelling, but here goes:
“the fool hath said in his heart there is no god, a smart person yells it from the top of their lungs.”
Anyhow, back on topic. April Fools is for amateurs, for me any day is a day to pull a stunt.
However, putting yellow caution tape all over someone’s cube or office with the chalk outline of a body on the floor is something I did a few months ago. It was a hoot.
alex, don’t know if you know yet, but the Netherlands is beefing up security and allowing this video to be aired after all. There is another one coming out that depicts Mohammed as a pedophile.
Deep — thanks for the link above, and please make sure I get the new Islam video
On the subject of mohammed the pedophile ,I heard theres a stage production of “The satanic Verses” in germany somewhere soon ,I hope its a musical.
Here’s a good example:
God is the supreme practical joker. Abraham is about to sacrifice Isaac and at the last minute god speaks up and says “APRIL FOOL’S!!”
Heee-hee.
Comment from: carol
However, putting yellow caution tape all over someone’s cube or office with the chalk outline of a body on the floor is something I did a few months ago. It was a hoot.
You just reminded me…
The year before I resided there, the student village had a fire on my floor. The don of the floor (basically an upper year student assigned to help us with any living arrangements we needed) was away for the weekend, and when he came back, they had taped a silhouette on the floor of a supposed fatality during the fire.
Once the don’s heart started beating again, everyone agreed it was a good joke. So, every year on that weekend, somebody tapes another silhouette to the floor in front of the don’s room.
You don’t even want to know about the ‘jokes’ some of my ‘friends’ played on those in the clique who were getting married…
Every year I tell people I have been born again & converted to Christianity. Every year it works…its worth the look on peoples faces.
Life has no meaning. It even says that in Ecclesiastes.
Okay, okay, okay, jokes, jokes jokes. So, two hot lesbains walk into an atheist bar and start making out, then the chimp barmaid says, “are you going to finish that joke?” April fools, that wasn’t even a joke and it didn’t even have any meaning whatsoever either! Mwahahahaha!
Does that mean the Bible is in danger of hell fire?
It’s always been useful as kindling, but I wonder if there’s a way to get it to spontaneously combust.
Just find a True Believer(T) and convince them to pray hard. Worked for Moses.
My RESPONSE TO THE FOOL VERSE:
The following passage is correct except where it says in verse 9:
“Look! This is something new”? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. “
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=25
I don’t think that the King of Jerusalem ever saw or even fathomed an atomic bomb explosion, a rocket ship, a car, a jet, a speedboat, a
supercomputer, a radio, a water treatment plant, a microscope, a telescope, an electric motor, a tractor, a GPS satellite array, or the colonization of outer space. I can only conclude that there are new things under the sun, our star in particular. Evolution has it that there are things that we’ve never even comprehended under other suns and stars in the universe, there
could be completely different states of matter in the center of a
micro-blackhole that haven’t even graced the gravitational rainbow of our sun yet. The universe is only 13.7 billion years young, which means there are all kinds of possibilities for new things to occur under our own sun.
Meanwhile, I’ll leave you with a video of burning man, which is probably the most meaningless celebration that King David never even conceived of either. In my opinion, King David, or should I say his son King Solomon, would have
been better off investing the revenues of tithings of the people in R&D instead of in slaughtering sheep and goats.
http://muller.lbl.gov/movies/BurningMan007/Burning-Man-Burns-9-2-007.mov
Tell people we caught Bin Laden. It’s believeable, and you can use it again and again.
The New Humanist has a story on their blog.
http://blog.newhumanist.org.uk/2008/04/local-council-in-shock-challenge-to.html
“Beginning with tonight?s evening masses, priests will be legally obliged to read out the disclaimer ? the exact wording of which has been provided by the council ? which reads as follows:
?Congregants should be aware of the gaps and/or problems in the Catholic theory of transubstantiation, including, but not limited to, the Protestant notion that the bread and wine are merely symbolic, the opinions of other religions on the life of Christ, and the lack of conclusive scientific evidence available to support this theory.?”
As to “the fool hath said…”
“The fool hath said in his mind that there is a god.”