I’ve been an Atheist since I was six. Raised in a religious Jewish family, I was sitting in the back of my Mom’s blue Chrysler and it hit me all at once: there is no Tooth Fairy, there is no Santa Claus, there is no God. No cause, no event, just an epiphany.I asked questions at home and Hebrew school and got lame answers. I tried to care about God, but failed because I couldn’t stop thinking of him as mythology. I was Bar-Mitzvah’d and confirmed as an Atheist, against my will. Mom thought it was a phase.Turns out, Dad’s an Atheist too — he just never told me until I was about 30 — the same year Mom realized it wasn’t a phase.Here’s a thread that’s been requested a few times. Post “your story” here. FYI, we’ve got about 1000 members now, but we get 10K hits/day, so there are a lot of lurkers who want to know if their story is unique, or if they are among kindred spirits (pun intended).
I would still like Hos to give us his/her story. I hope it has just been delayed and that Hos wwas not turned off by the “I’m not” response by Tim, which came right after Hos’s query as to our interest in his/her story. Tim was actually speaking to Reluctant, not Hos. I hope there was no confusion there.
Please HOS, share your story!
atomictesting
Your story reminds me of when I used to watch “Tarzan” before going off to afternoon kindergarden. It seemed there were often pesky missionaries butting into the natives lives and causing trouble with the pushing of their religion. They’d get into situations where Tarzan would have to save them and more often than not, some native would get killed. This 5 year old got so angry about that! If the missionaries had just minded their own business, none of it would have happened!
In HS, we studied mythology also, and a comment similar to the one made by the student in your story came up. I riased my hand and asked “What makes your god true and these other gods false?” Silence. Glares. Gasps. If looks could kill…My teacher, who was a humorless bitch, who stuck strictly to the standard curriculum, changed the subject and moved on.
I think that most of us here are people who question the status quo. A lot of you are non-conforminsts – but I am a person who really tries to fit in. My atheism makes that difficult, at times, but it’s worth it!
I try to fit in, because as a child I felt like I wasn’t part of mainstream America – really, my family was pretty much poor white trash!
I was raised in a Pentecostal, filled with the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues church. (Mostly Assembly of God)
I REALLY believed! I was so serious about my religion – “saved” at age 7, baptised soon after. I did all the Pentecostal things, went to revivals, healing services, spoke in tongues, got “slain in the spirit,” etc.
I LOVED church! It was a safe place for me – my hone wasn’t. Even though my church was very conservative, I never felt like I couldn’t question things. I remember my Sunday School teacher (the preacher’s wife) teaching a lesson on wives submitting to husbands. This was the late 70′s and a lot of us teen girls objected to that! She let us give our opinions and nicely explained what the Bible meant on this subject.
Then, in my Jr. and Sr. year of high school, in my little po-dunk small southern town in western Florida, I had a couple of teachers who opened my mind. Had a gen-u-wine liberal who called herself “Ms.” The husband of my humanities teacher was a professor in a local college. He came and talked to us about philosophy. WOW! Decartes, Nietsche, “I think, therefore I am” – these were things I had never heard of!
I read “Exodus” by Leon Uris. Before that, I only thought of Jews as being the biblical “children of Israel.” Toyed with the idea of becoming Jewish – even studied Hebrew for a semester. All this opened up my mind to realize that not EVERYONE in the world was a Xian, and made me begin to question my own beliefs. (Darn knowledge!! Gets in the way of keeping people holy!)
I had a gradual lessening of my beliefs. Tried a few different churches, but nothing felt right. Declared myself agnostic. Sometimes I’d tell people I was an atheist – just so they’d say, “You’re kidding! Are you REALLY?” Then I’d get to say, “Yes, I am – swear to GOD!” Just to get a reaction!
One day I found the American Atheist website, and read EVERYTHING on it! I came across an article about being and atheist vs. being an agnostic, and decided that I was truly and completely an atheist.
I am really happy being an atheist. I do wish there was something after death, but I know that my wishing won’t make it true. It’s hard to fit in sometimes, but none of my close friends are religious fanatics, so they accept me. Nothing is better than living a life seeking REAL knowledge, looking for the REAL truth, and appreciating every precious second we have.
HeatheNZ -
Nice to know there are other recovered Pentecostals out there!
pixel,
I can’t believe you were ‘slain in the spirit’. I’ve always wanted to ask somone objective what actually happens? Are you just faking? Do you really lose your ability to stand? It in a really bizarre spectacle to watch a line of otherwise average people one by one start to sway and then just collapse.
And what about the speaking in tongues stuff? I liked to judge how inventive people were in their variations. Typically it just sounded like random sylables. what was your experience?
This thread is great. I’m especially impressed with the late bloomers who were able to overcome so many years of blind belief. I’m also tickled by the idea of a fundie reading this thread, wringing his hands as he gleans little phsycological nuggets from our stories, totally unaware that it would be much more productive to point that psychology inward.
This is something I used to think about for hours. I never came up with a good answer, but Michael Shermer helped me out. He said that smart people are really good at rationalizing things they came to believe for not so smart reasons.
Soundenizer,
Has a christian ever accused you of being a victim of the devil? I could easily see a christian hearing your story and thinking that Satan tormented you in your dreams to get you to turn your back on god.
I was raised Jewish. My parents wern’t particularly religious, but they tried to raise me to be. I went through the motions, went to Henrew School, and got Bar-Mitzvahed because that’s what was expected, but
I was never a believer. Not even when I was in Kindergarten.
I remember believing in the Tooth Fair for a couple of years, because the money I found under my pillow was real, but I soon came to suspect where the money was really coming from.
But the concept of God made no more sense to me then than it does now.
I remember disliking the teacher reading a psalm from the Bible evey morning at the start of class.
I also remember grown-ups telling kids how God would punish them if they did something wrong.
I thought to myself at the time (I was maybe 8 or 9) that bad things happen to everyone randomly. No one is going to have absolutely perfect luck for the rest of his life. And the first time something bad happens, that grown-up will say — “I told you so. God is punishing you.”
So I wasn’t buying it.
My wife, who grew up Catholic, wanted to believe when she was a child. But she discovered that her teachers in parochial school were unable or unwilling to answer her questions. She gradually came to realize that there were no answers and that the whole thing was made up.
She left the Church at 18 and never went back.
I liked this thread so much that I started cutting and pasting my favorite lines. Here are some of my favorite so far:
I was born an atheist and realized that I was one when I was about 15.
-island57
When I realized that my only answer was “that’s what I was taught”, I couldn’t even say it out loud.
-SarahMB
Then it hit me, I was in a fucking cult!!
-rainbows4dinosaurs
I read my way out.
-Phideaux
I never thought it was that important until we voted in a crazy, dellusional president.
-The502
Sow the wind and you’ll reap that morning’s breakfast!
-RobW
I thought if this was what it meant to be faithful to god then everyone must be crazy!
-Risako
Well, I “saw the light”, but not the one most Christians go on about.
-Peach63
I’d been good and really needed that shoe!
-bairey
I sometimes wonder if I’d be happier as a sheep, blindly following the Church.
-Jerret
I do regret the oppurtunity to possibly tap some hot Church going abstinence pledging gals.
-ViperVisor
One sunday I looked at the people around me, and realized why priests refer to people as a ‘flock’.
-Chaos Engineer
I do wish there was something after death, but I know that my wishing won’t make it true.
-pixel
HeatheNZ –
My experiences of “receiving the Holy Spirit” would happen after listening to an emotionally charged sermon, listening to rousing gospel music, and praying intensely. I think I would work myself into a heightened emotional state – but I used to think of it as intense praying to prepare myself for the Holy Ghost.
I think it must be like meditating or self-hypnosis. You get yourself so worked up that you become uninhibited and allow yourself to speak in tongues, etc.
Pentecostals get SO emotional about God. I am a very emotional person, myself, so it wasn’t difficult for me to think about how unworthy and sinful I was – and to think about how much Jesus suffered and died for me. I could really work myself up to a good cry – that would lead to me speaking in tongues. I saw others in the church do it, so I knew what to do.
Being slain in the spirit was the same. You get emotionally worked up – go forward to the preacher for healing, or for intense prayer to ask for forgiveness. He anoints your head with oil. I would feel overcome with emotions, probably weak from all the crying, and BOOM! over I would go!
The “gifts of the Spirit” happened a LOT at summer Bible camps. My husband pointed this out to me: The counselors have you running around all day – swimming, hiking, water balloon fights, go, go, go, all day. Then at night – when you’re tired and vulnerable – they start preaching and singing gospel – and pretty soon you are in an emotional trance and the “Spirit” moves in and takes over.
I used to LOVE it! Now I think I was some kind of a brain-washed lunatic!
I have to agree with the rest of you. This by far is one of the most interesting threads by far.
Ok here is mine…
Most of my early exposure to christianity was by my hispanic grandmother and I was christened a catholic as a baby, but hispanic catholism is different than roman catholic. Its a bit more mystic like. Anyway, my grandmother made sure my sister and I had our first communion and went all out dressing us up as little brides for some old dead guy on a stick. Yuck!
WhenI was 2 my mother married a protesant man, who at the age of seven began to sexually abuse my sister and I. At the age of ten when my sister and I could no longer take it, I told my mother. His punishment was weekend jail for less than a year(he’s a registered offender though in SC, his name is John C. Harrison if anyone wants to look him up). On top of that the counslers handling the case told my mother it was best to keep the family together and that it was her fault that he did what he did because she didnt let him have any say in her childrens life. They basically told her to go home and submit herself to an even lower status, letting him have more control. He didnt touch us after that, but we did catch him a couple of times beeing a peeping asshole. Anyway, most of our counsling was done through religious programs set up by the government. I think it was at this point I realized there was no god and if there was he was a sick perverted asshole! I hated the counslers, I hated the stupid church where we had our group meetings with other children in the same situation, I hated my mother, I hated having to continue to live in the same house as that perverted asshole and I hated god most of all!
I think it was my best friend who was wiccan that put a little bug in my ear about god being a woman. From that point when people would bring up god, I got a kick out of pissing them off by telling them that if there was a god it was a woman. heehee
Fast forward to meeting my husband who was an atheist from day one, but it was never an issue. All I knew is he was openminded and didnt mind all my gay friends, loved my 2 year old son, and worshipped the grownd I walked on. He was atheist and I was agnostic at best so it worked. When he became an officer in the marine corps and it came time to be arround other officers wives, they were all smiling happy glad houses to be servants to their husbands and their god and I was looked down on because I worked outside of my home and didnt go to church. Breaking under the peer-pressure and always feeling guilty cuz I didnt believe in god, I figured I would give it a try, but I had to know exactly what the bible said cuz I never liked how most christians I knew were hypocrits and I didnt want to be that. I was about 24 a this point and was not too happy about what I was reading. And like the rest, no one would or could answer my questions.
My husband and I then thought well maybe we can try other religions. He dabbled in buddhism and I dabbled in wicca and Zen. We both just could not get comfortable with any of it. It felt silly and I was embarrassed for others participating in rituals. It was just too hokie and silly. I think that is when we realized that we are happy and content being atheist. No pressures!
pixel,
Thanks for being a sport. I guess that is pretty much the impression I got as an observer.
I used to find it all mildly amusing, but then I thought about what it would look like to somone who had not been inculcated, and I began to cringe….
I was raised in a small redneck town in north texas in a pentecostal church. Everyone was poor and beaten down and helpless and always prayed to jesus and whatnot to “help” them and always talked about how blessed they were.
I was always very curious and would ask questions about the world, or how we got here and it was always the same stupid answers. “Do not question it, it is a sin and the devil is putting those thoughts into your head”. So naturally I felt very sad and guilty that I was going to hell for wondering what the truth was.
Eventually when I was about 16 or 17 I fully accepted that it was complete bullshit and stopped praying for help and started doing things on my own with the realization that this is the only life we have and we must make it the best we can.
So now, all those poor dumbasses still worshipping in their tongues are sitting in their miserable surroundings just waiting to be “taken from this earth”. While I am living life to the fullest, making a boatload of money and having little rules.
Fuck jesus!
Dave
Thanks so much for creating this thread! It really shows the humanity in the humanists, so to speak.
Great stuff, everyone! Hope this thread keeps growing and growing.
I grew up going to church (United Church of Canada in Alberta) – very liberal – they even do gay weddings now – but never believed: I enjoyed the company of the people there and was always looking to meet girls (as a teenager).
Services were pretty boring so I ended up volunteering to teach Sunday school to the 4-5-6-th graders – got a comment once that I did such a good job (I was 17) talking about the story of St. Valentine that I should think about being a minister. Even then I knew that wasn’t gonna happen.
The real breakthrough that “this religions stuff is all baloney” came around age 22 when reading an article in Time or Newsweek or US News & World Report (I forget which) talking about hell, and how the concept of what hell is like and who ends up there kept changing over the millenia based on what the clergy figured their adherents would be afraid of. It seemed obvious to me that if they could make up whatever ‘hell’ they wanted, that was true as well about ‘god’, ‘heaven’, ‘sins’ etc. The rest is history.
Now I’m in northern California – and if I wear my ATHEIST t-shirt around town people hardly notice?!? I’m sure it would be different if I were in a “small redneck town in north texas”
cjn
JW: “Has a christian ever accused you of being a victim of the devil?”
Good friend of mine (still friends) became BAX, & in his 1st year, accused me of being a ‘tool of the devil’. To which I replied, “Who are you to judge me?” Luckily, he’s always been semi-rational, so I didn’t bop him a good 1. He’s mellowed out a great deal over the decades, tho.
reluctant
Have you ever tried to explain to your friend that the devil doesn’t exist either?
I used to have the devil dreams when I was little too. The red-suited horned man with the tail and pitchfork and a snake-like tongue would chase me around my house till he snagged me with the pitchfork, usually up my gut, under my ribs and carried me off to burn me in the fire. Otherwise he would chase me across city scapes of high rooftops, jumping across from building to building, hiding behind vent fans, etc. Now, whenever I watch a chase scene over rooftops on TV or in a movie, I am transported back to those dreams. It’s amazing how my young mind concocted those rooftop scenes at a time in my life when I had no previous point of reference for them.
karen: We’ve had a few blow-outs. When I 1st explored Xtianity, I recall telling him, “Dude, you’ve hooked up w/the wrong people.” Gave him examples. Got the ‘No True Scotsman, me arse!’ fallacy.
Last nite, spoke w/him. He suggested I pray. Told him, “Can’t. Not a hypocrite.”
Truth be told, he’s a pretty decent Xtian. W/holds the judgment thing, never has a harsh word for people. Goes to church. Tries to walk the talk, that sort of thing.
The penchant for fallacies drives me up a wall, sometimes.
I swear they take a course in it, perhaps secretly. Uh-oh! Just became a ‘conspiracy theorist’! There goes my street rep!
Pixel and HeatheNZ
Thanks you two! I’ve always wondered about that. My husbands family on his mothers side is penticostal, but his mother wasnt very religious and didnt raise her kids with a lot of it. I think is was because her uncle was a minister of a penicostal church and mistreated his wife and kids. She isnt an atheist as far as I know but hates church and how fake the people are.
Im curious to how many of us raised with some kind of exposure to religion had nightmares as children about the devil and hell?? I know I did. I had night terrors where I couldnt wake up no matter how hard I tried. One of my christian friends tried to tell me that my mightmares were probably because of my step father, but the mightmares I have about what happened and being held captive by him are way different than the mightmares I had about hell and the devil. I dont have the nightmares about hell anymore, ever since I completely accepted my atheistism, but every now and then I still have nightmares about what happened. I dont know if those will ever go away cuz that bastard did and still does exist. Anyway, looking forward to everyones responses!
I had many many nightmares that I still remember vividly, and I described one at the beginning of the thread. But I don’t remember any of them really involving the devil. It was always God or some servant of God who did all the destroying, torturing, killing, and damning. No, I’ve never feared the devil. I knew full well from the beginning that it is God who throws you into the pit.
Must’ve been all the aggressive paddling my little backside received at bible school.
Peach63,
Star Trek really is supposed to be the epitome of an atheistic society – though never overtly stated. Everyone gets along on the Earth of the future, all of the problems of the planet have basically been solved, and (though unspoken, pretty obvious) nobody believes in gods anymore. Look at all the episodes where deities are involved and you can see at least a little mocking of them going on.
I imagine Roddenberry would have rolled over in his grave at the song for Star Trek: Enterprise “I’ve got faith of the heart.” Of course, wait until he dies to corrupt his dream…
Carl Sagan is also a well-known atheist. Perhaps it’s no surprise that we find ourselves drawn to the stories they’ve told.
( Quotes taken from http://www.atheistempire.com/ )
SNTC
Hey! You were typing a request for nightmare stories at about the same time I was moved to type in two of my nightmare stories!
Cue the Twilight Zone music!:)
Thats scary! lol
Raised a catholic I remember being confirmed and my sponsor, who was 23, was really into the songs and praying. I just didn’t see myself at 23 being like that, I thought by that age I would be more knowledgeable to reject religion. Because it was something I thought everyone grew out of, just as long as they had a good foundation. Now I see more and more people my age, 25, going to church on their own and I don’t understand it. They say it’s a great place to meet chicks. Whatever.
My parents were good friends with a priest from our parish and he literally forced me to go on a TEC weekend; Teens Encounter Christ. First of all you had to be 16 to get in and he pulled some strings, or so he said, to get me in at 15. Like I couldn’t wait or even wanted to go. He offered to pay and my parents didn’t stand up for me and thought it would be a good idea. I hated it and was so disgusted by it. Getting in groups and praying, reciting bible passages and everything to praying before eating. I just hated it.
The fact that smart people can be religious is evidence of the perniciousness of belief. It I sometimes feel that these folks don’t believe in the religion so much as they do the importance of religion in society. That’s right…they’re smart enough to know better, but go along anyway.
Maybe it’s a bit of intellectual egoism. Maybe these folks think that the simple people need religion to keep them in line.
Hey…I’ve been called the Devil on more than one occaision. Satan flicks or ghost stories rarely frighten me, but I do enjoy when superior beings threaten the human race. Mars Attacks is a favorite…hey, maybe they could come out with a movie where God has gone medieval on us. That would be scary, because you would have to believe he exists.
He’s everywhere. He can do anything. He’s medieval.
My story is simple. Start asking questions, get BS answers, not liking BS answers, looking for more info, more info leads to more questions, repeat cycle a couple of times, and start staring with skeptisism at the person talking. I think we all got here with questions and information. The more information, the less we believe. I also dwelled in other forms of mysticism, read a couple of mystic books, but what really made me think was the dune series by Frank Herbert!
Here is a little of my background.
1. My grandfather was a Presbyterian Minister
2. My Grandmother was a missionary to Pakistan and Mexico
3. I was raised by these people.
4. I went to a private Presbyterian boarding school for Junior and High School
5. My family is close personal friends with Strom Thurmond and Jesse Helms very Religious Right types.
6. I have had dinner with Billy Graham and his mother.
7. Born in S.C.
8. Went on missions to other countries. But always thought it was hypocritical to make people take the food with a dose of Religion.
9. BIG Sci-Fi Fan since early childhood. I even wrote Isaac Asimov about the Foundation series and got a letter back from him.
Funny thing though my mother went insane while I was young and attempted to kill me but before that she taught me to think! The years she was in an asylum I prayed and wished for her to get better and she did not so I went on a search for answers all this before I was 11. Plus as I spent time with supposed religious people I saw that they were no better than anyone. By the time I was in high school I knew there was not god but did not know how to express it.
The final step happened as I pursued my education. I learned more about statistics, marketing, psychology, logic and all the sciences. This cleared up my mind of the brainwashing and gave me the ability to express what I my knowledge. Unfortunately I was still unsure of who to talk to. I thought that I was the only person in the world that, was alive, who had these thoughts.
This is the reason I tell people that I am an Atheist and live an Ethical life.
Has anyone seen the show “Extras” on HBO or the BBC? The first episode has a scene where the main character explains to a friend why he’s an atheist. Gotta love the British.
SNTC -
I, too, used to have dreams about the devil & Armageddon. (Our church was BIG on the “Rapture.”)
I know that child molestation happens all the time – but I’m sometimes surprised to see how MANY people were victims. I was one, as well.
This is relevant to a dream I had – I’m entering heaven and Jesus and my molester are walking me down a hallway – we turn the corner and Jesus becomes the devil – he and the other guy are laughing and pushing me into the fire!
Someone said that Xians might say that these dreams were sent by the devil to test you. Well, it’s interesting that once I became an atheist, I no longer have these dreams. Maybe that means that the devil doesn’t test me anymore, since I’m now on his side!
I am also a Science Fiction Fan!! Robert Heinlein is MY God! Reading his books really helped confirm my political and religious views. Also I just feel SO HAPPY when I read his novels!!! I wrote to him in the early 80′s and I have two letters from him – two of my MOST precious treasures!
To Udonman –
Hope you’re feeling better soon! Isn’t Tylenol with codeine the BEST! I was on it a few years ago when I had a killer sore throat – I never got so much peaceful rest!!